Letters to Loved Ones
by bla338
Summary: Drabbles on what was going on in everyone's mind when Jacob ran away after Eclispe. Bella/Jacob story with a smidge of Bella/Edward in the beginning.
1. Jacob's Thoughts to Bella

**Jacob's thoughts to Bella**

_My Bella_,

_Even now when everything is over_

_I can't help but wonder…_

_Why did you leave me?_

_You didn't hesitate to run back to Edward_

_You cared more about him than me_

_I knew you loved him_

_It was selfish of me to think otherwise,_

_But I needed you_

_Edward could've gave you money,_

_Clothes, power,_

_And so much more_

_All I had to offer was my love_

_And looking back I realize_

_Compared to what Edward offered_

_Most would've preferred him_

_He was beautiful_

_His eyes, skin, hair_

_I had only an average face_

_And tanned skin going for me_

_He could've made you immortal_

_Something you've always wanted_

_I couldn't have done that,_

_But I could've stopped phasing…_

_I could've grown old with you,_

_But that wasn't what you wanted_

_You wanted immortality,_

_Beauty, gracefulness_

_You wanted… no you craved_

_All those things I couldn't give you_

_Bella, Bella, Bella_

_I needed you_

_I loved you_

_I still need you_

_And I still love you,_

_Yet you make this so hard_

_Why run back to someone who continues to hurt you_

_I could've made you happy…_

_We could've lived together_

_Been happy_

_Had a family_

_All of those things you couldn't with him_

_Why, why Bella, why_

_I love you…_

**So that was the first thought... Next is Bella's thoughts to Jacob**

**~B**


	2. Bella's Thoughts to Jacob

**Bella's thoughts to Jacob**

_Jacob,_

_Every day I wake up_

_You're on my mind_

_I've never been so grateful_

_That Edward couldn't read my mind_

_I find myself wondering:_

"_Would it be different if I were with Jacob?_

_If it were black eyes, not gold_

_If it was warm skin, not cold_

_If I could hear a pulse and feel flesh_

_Rather, a cold hard body"_

_The longer I stay where I am_

_The more I think of you_

_I wish this were easier…_

_Often I wonder,_

_Was it truly my fault you ran away?_

_Edward refused to tell me anything_

_As usual it reminded me of you_

_You would've told me_

_You wouldn't have kept me in the dark_

_Jacob, I need you_

_I need so bad,_

_But it was so hard_

_It was so hard to let go of Edward…_

_Come back…_

_Please…_

_I need you…_

_

* * *

_

**Next will be Edward's thoughts to Jacob. And thank you to JacobBlacklover2009 for favoriting this story. This chapter is dedicated to you**


	3. Edward's Thoughts to Bella

**Edward's thoughts to Bella**

_Isabella, my darling Bella,_

_I can see it in your eyes_

_You think of Jacob constantly_

_I know you can't help it_

_It's only been a week since he left_

_I want to call off the engagement_

_For your well-being of course_

_However,_

_I realize that you need me_

_You need me in a different way you need Jacob,_

_But, still, you need me_

_Jacob was better for you_

_He isn't tempted to lie,_

_Nor is he tempted to hide things from you_

_He was honest_

_He loved you_

_Jacob had never left you_

_I hadn't even thought twice about it_

_I regret my decision,_

_I honestly do,_

_But if I had to do it again_

_I would…_

_I would just hope you'd end up with Jacob_

_I'm glad you came back to save me_

_I just hoped you would've left_

_You could stayed with Jacob_

_Grew old with him_

_Had children, grandchildren_

_You would never worry about leaving your friends and family_

_This life is more of a hell than a heaven_

_You would rot here with me,_

_Yet I am so selfish as to be grateful_

_I was delighted you chose to stay with me_

_I wouldn't suffer alone_

_I had condemned someone to stay with me_

_And you wouldn't leave_

_Simply because you couldn't leave_

_We were damned together,_

_And we were going to stay that way_

_I am a monster_

_I don't deserve you_

_I get an unhealthy pleasure in other people's troubles_

_I was a sadist_

_Why couldn't you understand this?_

_No one else in family had this… this problem_

_I was alone with these thoughts_

_The only person who has ever had these thoughts were Aro_

_Had it come to this_

_I was no better than a man who craved power_

_A man who had nothing to live for_

_Possibly, a man who had murdered thousands,_

_And who held no regret for it_

_Bella, Isabella_

_I wish for you to leave me_

_For you to join Jacob_

_It would give everyone a peace of mind_

_My family would miss you,_

_Especially Alice,_

_But they would understand it's for the best_

_Go…_

_Go to him…_


	4. Jacob's Thoughts to Edward

**Jacob's thoughts to Edward**

_I had been gone a week and a half now_

_And whenever I think of Bella_

_My mind floats towards him…_

_That filthy bloodsucker_

_Edward_

_I hate you_

_I hate what you did to me_

_Even worse,_

_I hate what you did to Bella_

_You dragged her into your family of leeches,_

_And you damned her to your fate_

_Haven't you ever thought of what's best for her?_

_Maybe she deserves a family,_

_Friends outside out of your group of leeches_

_She deserves a human life_

_You just want to drag her down_

_You want to show me you're better_

_That you've won_

_You don't understand what you do to her_

_You left her for dead,_

_And as soon as she's over you_

_You try to waltz back into her life with suicide threats,_

_And of course she goes to save you_

_Dammit that's who she is,_

_And now she has to be turned,_

_Or that vampire mafia will murder her_

_She was better off without you_

_You leech!_

_Couldn't you have just moved on?_

_Left her here with me_

_She was doing so well,_

_But now she's back to Square One_

_Don't you get it?_

_I was nothing to her_

_I was only some shitty background music_

_A tool for her to get information,_

_Information about your little leech family,_

_And you left_

_You leaving was heaven for everyone_

_Even for that redhead leech Victoria_

_I had meaning in someone's life_

_She cared about me_

_She was so close to choosing me_

_But you get your sister to go, and take her away_

_You took away my one chance for happiness_

_I wasn't happy here_

_I didn't want to stay on this reservation as a wolf_

_I wanted to be human_

_I wanted to move away_

_I wanted,_

_No needed Bella_

_And in two months you would marry her,_

_Change her,_

_And then move away with her_

_You would leave me here heartbroken_

_You ruined me_

_You ruined each and every part of me_

_I hated you,_

_And even now a thousands of miles away from your ass_

_I still hate you_

_You sick monster_

**Thank you Cutie 16 for putting this story under your favorites; this chapter is dedicated to you. **


	5. Bella's Thoughts to Edward

**Bella's thoughts to Edward**

_It's been a week and a half_

_I hated it,_

_And slowly I hated you_

_I wanted Jacob_

_I realized I didn't want you or need like I used to_

_I realized I only craved you,_

_But I needed Jacob_

_I loved him_

_The answer had never been clear to me,_

_But I could never tell you this_

_I fingered my engagement ring wondering how to tell you,_

_But my mind refuses to let go_

_I've stopped wearing it, and I know you notice,_

_Yet I don't care,_

_And I can't bring myself to care_

_For once I find myself making my own choices_

_I understand it's not a hell to grow old_

_It's a hell to live forever_

_You see everyone you know and love, wither and die,_

_And you can't do anything about it_

_At least Jacob could choose_

_I spend most of my nights awake thinking about you_

_I want to call the engagement off so bad_

_I want Jacob to return home_

_I just wish I could click a re-do button,_

_And all of this would be over,_

_And I'd be back to sitting in Jacob's garage_

_You'd be dead or off doing your own thing,_

_And I'd be happy_

_I'd be…_

_A wolf girl_

_No longer pinning after some undead creature_

_Yes, I'd still love you, Edward,_

_But it wouldn't be in that let's get married love_

_It'd be in a brother-sister type love,_

_And hopefully you'd understand_

_It was Jacob I chose_

_Not you_

_Not your family_

_Not anyone else,_

_But Jacob_

_My light, my personal sun_

_I just wish I could've figured it out sooner,_

_So I could've sorted everything out_

_I wish for you and me to be friends,_

_And for it to be me and Jacob who are engaged_

_You're no longer my sun…_

_You're just a friend_

_Nothing more_

_Nothing less_


	6. Edward's thoughts to Jacob

**Edward's thoughts to Jacob**

_Take her…_

_Please take Bella away from me_

_You deserve her more than I do…_

_I don't wish this fate on her,_

_And I know when the time comes_

_I wouldn't have the courage to change her_

_It's been two weeks_

_I know she thinks about you_

_I know she loves you_

_I know she only thinks of me as a friend_

_So please_

_As a favor_

_Just take her_

_I want you to come back,_

_So she has someone_

_I can no longer love her like I used to_

_Even if I could_

_I'm positive every touch and ever caress I give_

_She would imagine it was you instead of me_

_It would be better for all of us if you came back_

_If you had a relationship with her_

_If you two started a family and grew old together_

_My sister Alice refuses to believe it_

_However, my sister Rosalie agrees completely_

_We already view her as family,_

_And we have her best interest in mind_

_I have talked this over with Jasper and with Carlisle_

_They have bother come to the same conclusion I have_

_She would be much better off with you than with me_

_It's only fair she gets what she wants_

_And clearly she wants you_

_So Jacob,_

_Please_

_Take her…_


	7. Jacob's Letter to Bella

**Jacob's letter to Bella**

Bella,

I wasn't sure how this would work out. I guess I'll just start with the basics. It's not like they have a book titled "How to write letters to the girl of dreams that's dating a vampire for dummies". I'm at a small diner in a town called Bowie over in Maryland. I was kind of shocked that I managed to run this far in two and a half weeks, but I'm working here and they're letting me stay in an empty room above the shop. It's temporary, another week or two at most.

I've been thinking about returning home, but I've decided to wait it out a little while, and think things through. After all you're getting married in about six weeks, and I've promised to make it home in time for the wedding. I know since it's the Cullens it'll be really expensive and all that junk. They'll probably have white doves and request the pope to fly from Europe to their backyard just to wed you guys. But hey whatever makes you happy, right Bells?

Getting away from home made me realize they're big cities out there besides Seattle. I mean Bowie can eat Forks and La Push for dinner and still have room to spare. Not to mention Bowie's only twenty minutes away from D.C. and Annapolis. A couple of waiters at the diner took me to Annapolis, and we walked around and ate ice cream and seafood and all that good stuff. It's amazing. When I come home, I'll have to take you here.

How's Charlie doing? Good I hope. Last I heard he and Sue were cozying it up, and if they keep that up in a couple of months you might be Leah and Seth's step-sister. Not like you'd be living with them or anything. You'd be with the Cullens moving around the world. You wouldn't really have time for Charlie or Renee.

I bet the Cullens are excited (I made a note to be sure to not call them leeches). I mean soon you'll be in the family and off to some five-star resort curtsey of them. You'll be one of them in no time. It's what you've always wanted. I know you're not into the whole five-star restaurant, spas, money, power, and all that good stuff, but don't act like you're not fazed by it. Everyone is drawn to the least bit of money. Especially if you're fiancée is rich.

I know this is a touchy subject for you, but have you ever wondered what life would be like if you ended up with me. Maybe, in the end I might've been better for you. I know I'm a year younger, but age is just a number. In all technicalities I'm older than you. I understand I can't give you beauty, or grace, or immortality, or anything like that, but I think you're great just the way you are. If you stayed with me, you wouldn't have to leave your family and your friends. I know you've argued you could always keep in touch with Charlie and Renee, and that you don't have any real friends, but with me you could keep contact with the human world without wanting to suck their blood out.

I told a girl who the same shift at me about my problem, and she suggested the letter. She's a smart girl. You'd like her for sure. She kind of looks like you: brown hair, brown eyes, a little on the pale side, and all that other stuff. I guess that's why we're friends.

I have to get back to my shift… I miss you. Write back really soon!

_Jacob_


	8. Bella's Letter to Jacob

**Bella's letter to Jacob**

Jacob,

I know you will be excited when you hear this, but I am starting to have doubts about marrying Edward. I can tell my feelings for him have changed to a much more...friendship level. I am much too frightened to mention this to him, but I'm almost positive your response to this would be more of a this-is-typical-for-Bella kind of thing. I'm not sure if he feels the same about me, yet I'm positive he knows my feelings have changed and is simply refusing to acknowledge it.

Despite my emotional opening to this letter, I am actually quite glad you're making friends all the way in the East Coast. The farthest I've been from forks is to Florida. I'm not sure which is farther though. But I am actually surprised that when I read your letter I was actually quite jealous that you had become such close friends to another girl. In a way was relieved that you hadn't imprinted on her. I wouldn't know what to do if you had found your soul mate so quickly. I'm sure I would've been in shock then I would've most likely been in denial.

Anyways, answering your question about Leah and me becoming step-sisters, I'm sure it would be quite... interesting. I'm positive that Seth wouldn't be too bad of a step-brother, but Leah would try to keep us from forming too close of a brother-sister bond. Especially if his new step-sister was so close with their mortal enemy! I started to laugh as I wrote this last sentence, and now I'm positive Charlie thinks I have gone mad.

Hearing from you has put a boost in my normal attitude and my "friends" - as you put it - from school are trying to enjoy this moment while it lasts; they're worried I would become an empty shell again like I had when Edward left. I once thought about going to the beach with them, but the fear of running into Sam or another member from your pack has kept me away. I know they aren't too happy with how deeply involved I was with you running away. I'm sure Paul would enjoy another go at me, and without you there to stop I would end up pretty scarred… or worse.

Alice has been repeatedly been forcing me into wedding dresses, and when she thought I was asleep she mentioned to Edward her visions about our wedding were starting to get blurry. I am not sure what this means, but I think it has something to do with me questioning the logic behind getting married this early – I mean it'll be the week after graduation! His family plans on moving away directly after I get turned, and the thought of leaving Charlie is too much for me to bear. The idea of me turning into one of them is suddenly more frightening than it was back when Victoria was around. I wouldn't know what to do if I became I monster that craved the blood of my own family! Oh Jacob, how could I ever learn to live with myself! I'm sure I'd have centuries to learn self control, but if I slipped up - even just once - it would be too much for me to live with especially if I had to exist for centuries. I'm not like the Cullens. I wouldn't be able to suddenly move on without a doubt or worry. But even worse is the thought that I may end up like Jasper and he craving will never go away. What would happen if I tried to visit Charlie and I tried to attack him?

I wish you were here. You're great at calming me down whereas with the Cullens they need Jasper to do his emotion control thing in order for me to relax. No vampire has wandered onto the lands (or at least Edward hadn't mentioned any), but the graduation party is next week. I doubt you'll be able to make it, but I'm sure it'll be fun. Alice says I should learn to enjoy myself more at parties since it'll be my last human year at one. I don't understand, though. I never liked parties, and I suppose I never will. Even if I have to spend centuries with Alice planning one I would never fully enjoy it.

I have to go now. Alice is forcing me into another wedding dress. Ugh, I dread this. Stay safe and write to me often even when you change locations.

_Bella_


	9. Edward's Letter to Jacob

**Edward's letter to Jacob**

Wolf,

When Bella asked me to mail you the letter she wrote, I thought it would be a great opportunity to write to you and to stop this little… feud that has been going between us. Of course I had never gotten around to writing to you until a few weeks after you two had been mailing each other. By now I have been informed that you are in Virginia with your "lady friend" from the diner, and by the end of the week you two will be in Detroit. I can assume that you have heard of my disengagement with Bella. Approximately two weeks ago, Bella and I decided it would be in our best interest if we called off our engagement. I can assure you that she was the one who ended it, and that I completely agree with her.

The reasons why I believe she's better off with you is quite lengthy, but I shall name them. Whether or not you chose to believe it, she thinks of you constantly, and I believe she is more in love with you than she is with me. You believed that when she agreed to marry me that I had won her heart. No, I have not. Her heart has always been with you, and it always will be with you; it took me leaving for her to realize that. This brings me to reason number three. I left. Yes, it is that plain and simple. I had left her, and you hadn't. When I was gone, you pieced her heart back together, and you helped her heal while I was off trying to forget about her. She trusts you. You can give her all the things I can't. A family, children, grandchildren.

Wolf, I urge not to dawdle and take your sweet time in returning to Bella. I also urge to not attach yourself to your "lady friend" to the point where you fall in love with her. I wouldn't stand for Bella's heart to be broken. Hurry and do not delay your arrival. Bella needs you.

_Edward_


	10. Jacob's Letter to Bella and Edward

**Note: This chapter contains two letters from Jacob: one to Bella and one to Edward.**

**Jacob's letter to Edward**

Leech,

I read your letter, and no, I hadn't heard of your disengagement to Bella. As much as I want to act surprised or sad, I cannot. I have no pity to give to you, and I'm quite glad she denied your hand in marriage. And for future reference I have no intent on falling in love with my new "lady friend." Her name is Chandra, and she grew up in Bowie, Maryland. She isn't that old the same age as me – sixteen and a half – yet she's starting college next fall. The school year here isn't as long as our so she's already out of school whereas we have three more weeks.

Chandra had talked me out of staying in Maryland, and somehow managed to convince me to let her travel with me. I would be halfway home already, but the methods of travel we're using are uncommonly slow. I have half a mind to throw her on my back and run home, but I know that would be more trouble than it's worth.

The longer I stay with her I start to see little differences in her and Bella. She isn't as shy as Bella, nor does she blush as much as Bella does. Chandra is more headstrong, and is twice as stubborn. She also has slightly shorter hair then Bella, but if she stood next to Bella for a while I would be convinced that they were sisters.

I don't know what else to say to you… it's awkward trying to hold some sort of conversation with you even if it is through writing.

_Jacob_

**Jacob's letter to Bella**

Bells,

We're in Detroit now, and Chandra is asking a lot about you. She seems a lot more… stubborn than you, but I'm sure you'll love her. In two days we'll be in Kansas. Chandra has convinced me to stop to see some sites on our way back. After we land in Kansas we will be heading to Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada, California, and then Washington. I understand it will be at least two weeks until I return home, but I want you to know that we're moving with at least a small sense of urgency.

I heard about your disengagement to Edward in a previous letter he recently mailed me. I wish to say I am sorry for your loss, but I cannot bring myself to say it. I do not know if he informed you of his wish to mail me, but I know that at least I have told you.

As soon as I get back, the first thing I will do is visit you. I don't care if I get back at five in the morning; you can expect me to be standing on your porch with my suitcase in hand. Of course Chandra will accompany me to visit everyone, and later on I will drop her off to a hotel in Seattle unless Emily insists on housing her. We both know how generous Emily can be when she meets new people.

There is not much to do in Detroit, and I want to hurry up and fly to Kansas, but I understand that Chandra is actually excited about how many casinos there are. She loves blackjack and has given hints that she counts cards which worries me. It is in these moments I start to wonder the sanity of this girl. Even so I must accompany her to many of these nightly visits to the casino in case she manages to get herself in trouble. I find the events quite boring, but everyone in there seems to somewhat enjoy it.

Until next time,

_Jacob_


	11. Extract from Bella's Diary

**Extract from Bella's Diary**

_January 17__th__,_

Jacob has been gone a while now, and I miss him dearly. I am quite jealous he has chosen a female companion to travel with him for such a long period of time. They are in Kansas now, and will soon be in Texas. In Jacob's previous letter he mentioned that Kansas was boring to him. Not even a tornado had appeared to whisk him away to a land filled with short miniature people. It was quite amusing to read a letter with such detail being put in to describe the movie The Wizard of Oz.

Jacob has been writing more and more about Chandra, and I'm starting to worry that he'll fall in love with her. Alice has mentioned that he falling in love with someone other than me was preposterous. She says Jacob lives and breathes for me. I want to believe her, I honestly do, but I can't bring myself to believe it. I'd prefer to hear it directly from Jacob, and not in a letter, but in person. I know I have at least twelve more days until them, but I will wait patiently.

Mike has finally gotten the hint that I'm not interested in him, and he is more focused on patching up our friendship than trying to ask me out. Jessica and Lauren are the same as always, and Jessica is feeling intimidated by my friendship with Mike causing her and Lauren to be more hostile towards me. Angela and Ben are still together and are making plans to get married in July after school lets out. I have talked to Angela about this and she says they might hold it off until they graduate from college. Edward and his family have become more distant except for Emmet, Alice, Esme, and occasionally Jasper talking to me. I haven't seen much of Carlisle, but when I do the conversations are usually short and filled with awkward silences.

Now that my relationship with Edward is over I might go off to college. I have applied to Syracuse in New York, George Washington University in D.C., Duke in North Carolina, and UCONN in Connecticut. I have ruled out any colleges in the Seattle area, and I am focusing more on the East Coast. I want to branch out, and I hear from Jacob that things are so much more different over there. I hope that Jacob would be able to accompany me to college, but I know he might not get accepted figuring how many days of school he missed due to his werewolf obligations. The elders might not let him leave because of his duties as a protector to the tribe. The pack was bound to the tribe and could not leave it. I don't want to leave Jacob again, but I also don't want to pass up this opportunity to leave Washington.

Charlie is all for my idea to branch out to new areas of the country provided I call him and Renee often and I promise to visit both of them. It'll be easier to visit Renee since she'll be in the same time zone and much closer than Charlie. I'll try to visit them often, and try to grow closer to Phil.

Due to my six month limit to staying in Forks with my friends I have been going out more with Angela. We've seen most of the movies that has came out, eaten out, gotten ice cream, gone hiking, and other various activities to keep us busy on our weekends. Shopping was the one activity we tended to avoid since we both had a dislike for that particular pastime. Alice has been proud that I'm making friends with the other humans, and she sometimes accompanies Angela and me when we go out. She is disappointed neither of us likes shopping, and once a month she would force out to try on clothes in various stores.

Charlie is glad I have more of a social life, and he wishes for me to pass on stories of his fishing trips with Billy to Jacob. Charlie's relationship with Sue has gotten closer, and Charlie plans on asking Sue to marry him next month. He isn't sure when he would want the wedding, but he has decided to let Sue decide on that. Leah has slightly opened up to me since I found her crying in her kitchen when I came by her house to pick something up for Seth. I see Seth more as a little brother than anything else, and we often watch TV together or play cards whenever I'm with him.

Quil and Embry have sought me out occasionally when I'm on my quick runs to visit Leah or Seth. They don't carry much ill burden towards me like most of the pack, but they view me as a friend. They understand what I was going through, so they refuse to blame me for Jacob running away. They've also timed when I was going to visit Seth, and decided to meet me when I am halfway there and ride the rest of the way with me. Quil is more open to me than Embry is, and amazingly Quil always talks about Claire. Last week he took her to the toy store and nearly bought the whole store in a panic when Claire informed him she wanted all the toys.

Angela and I are planning to see a movie, and we're inviting Ben, Mike, Leah, Seth, Quil, and Embry. We might see a horror movie just so the guys have something to get into. Last time we saw a horror movie, Leah, Angela, and I snuck out and hung out in the lobby most of the time.

_Bella_


	12. Extract from Jacob's Travel Log

**Extract from Jacob's Travel Log**

I don't understand how Chandra could have possibly convinced me to write in this… journal or travel log or whatever the hell it is! She wants me to have some sort of way to record the events that happen. She's making a photo album and I'm supposed to keep this… journal thing.

So far we're in Las Vegas, Nevada and I'm pretty sure Chandra is having herself a grand time with all the gambling she's been doing. She has won more money than I can count, and yet I still refuse to let her pay for anything. I might be a werewolf, but my father raised me right. I cannot understand why she enjoys gambling so much. She has been to five casinos in one night and I'm quite impressed.

She's asleep right now still dressed in her short dress she wore tonight. Only one of her heels was still on; the other one was somewhere in the room. She could always buy a new pair. I had called Bella yesterday and for some reason I could hear Seth in the background. The conversation was short, in fact it went a little like:

"Hello."

"Hey Bells."

"Jake, Oh gosh it's been forever!"

"I know, and I'm really sorry about leaving you."

"Don't sweat it. At least you kept in touch with me." She paused. "How are you?"

"I'm great, anxious to get back home, but great all the same. What about you?"

"I'm good, Seth's here… he wants to talk to you…" I heard some murmuring which I assumed was her talking to Seth as she pressed the phone into her shoulder.

"Hey Jake."

"Hey there Seth, what's going on?"

"Charlie and Sue are getting married as soon as you get back. They can't wait."

"Tell Sue I said congrats."

"Bella's like the best sister all she does is make me food," he paused as we both chuckled. "Don't tell Leah I said that though."

"Don't worry I won't, but I'm sure that-"

_To continue your conversation, please insert another twenty-five cents_

"Oh damn it," I searched my pockets and sighed. "Sorry Seth I got to go."

"That's cool." I hung up quickly. I wanted to tell him that I was going to be home in about four more days, and that I am sure that Leah won't mind Bella being his new older sister as long as he doesn't completely drop her. It hurt me that I couldn't talk to my pack brother much longer. It had been a while since we talked.

It hurts too much to keep writing…

_Jacob the Wolf Man._


	13. Jacob's Thoughts to Himself

**Jacob's thoughts to himself**

_I came home today_

_I'm so glad I made it back_

_Bella never looked so happy,_

_And Chandra came with me to Emily's_

_Seth imprinted on her,_

_And she fit in quickly_

_She plans on staying for a while_

_She's also thinking about going to college in Seattle_

_I came so far_

_I guess after a while I started to forgive everyone_

_I was just too upset to realize it_

_I had forgiven Edward,_

_Because I know I would've done the same thing he did_

_I had forgiven Bella,_

_Because I couldn't be mad at her for too long_

_I had forgiven the Cullens,_

_Because I know they helped shape Bella's life_

_I had forgiven everyone,_

_Yet I couldn't find the strength to forgive myself_

_I know I should've and I would've,_

_But for some reason I couldn't_

_I can't ever forgive myself_

_How could I?_

_I left the woman I loved,_

_I loathed her entire extended family,_

_In a way I ruined her marriage,_

_And I did the one thing I promised I wouldn't_

_I hurt her_

_I hurt her for my own selfish reasons_

_Although I didn't physically leave a mark_

_I know I emotionally left one_

_I can see it in her eyes now_

_How she's scared to let me go on my own,_

_Or how when I look like I'm going to leave she grabs my hand_

_I couldn't leave her_

_Not again_

_I would stay with her_

_I don't know if we're a couple,_

_But we've been on a lot of dates_

_And yes,_

_She calls them dates_

_I guess now that I can forgive myself everything is better_

_I can't even find it in me to hate the Cullens anymore,_

_And yes,_

_I stopped calling them bloodsuckers_

_I guess for once I've been truly happy_

_I have the woman I love by my side_

_I'm friends with people, who were my enemies,_

_And somewhere on the way_

_I got a new best friend…_

…_._

…

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free,

And discover that prisoner is you"

~Lewis B. Smeder


	14. Bella's Thoughts to Herself

**Bella's Thoughts to Herself**

_Everything is perfect_

_I couldn't be happier_

_Somehow I thought things would be different_

_Harder_

_Worse_

_I thought I would wake up one day_

_And realize I made a mistake_

_And that I needed Edward and not Jacob_

_That day never came_

_It's been two weeks since Jacob came back_

_I've been stuck to his side like glue_

_And just like Jake promised I instantly loved Chandra_

_She's sweet and funny_

_And of course Seth imprinted on her_

_Every day I wake up I worry about Jacob leaving me again_

_I worry about him imprinting_

_I just worry_

_And no matter what I do_

_I can't stop worrying_

_But then I see Jacob_

_And my world changes_

_He makes me smile and laugh and forget_

_When I'm with him I forget my worrying_

_I forget that there's a world out there_

_With people_

_And animals_

_Because when I'm with him_

_Nothing else matters_

_He's all I need…_

_He's all I'll ever need…_

"Ever has been that love knows not its own depth

Until the hour of separation"

~Kahlil Gibran


	15. Edward's Thoughts to Himself

**Edward's Thoughts to Himself**_**  
**__  
I expected this hurt a lot more  
My life and reason to leave had left me  
I expected numbing pain,  
Days of wandering around without a purpose,  
But instead I felt fine  
Sure, sometimes I had a slight pain,  
Yet I could cope  
I hadn't needed her like I believed  
I had merely been tempted to her blood  
And drawn to her ability to shield her thoughts  
She was my drug  
As I was hers  
There was never any love  
Or at least true love  
We had simply needed each other,  
And like junkies getting a fix  
We needed more  
We weren't ready to stop anytime soon  
Whatever love we held for each other didn't last  
It wouldn't have lasted anyways  
It was a matter of time before one of us left  
I find myself being drawn away from the piano  
Since Bella left I stopped playing  
There was nobody there to impress,  
So why should I keep playing?  
I was tempted to throw the piano out a window,  
But Alice had stopped me  
She said maybe one day I'll play again  
I doubt it  
The longer I sit here  
The more I consider running away  
I don't know where I'd go  
I could stay with the volturi  
Maybe even join their Gaurd  
I would be useful  
Only the witch twins would be higher up  
Carlisle had certainly survived Volterra  
Why couldn't I?_

_The answer was simple:  
I needed Bella  
I needed my drug  
The pain was intense  
The longing for another fix was nagging me  
Bella kept me functioning  
Now she was gone  
Our love had died  
Now I was broken  
But I could cope  
I would cope  
Because I was __Edward Cullen__...  
Love doesn't last forever...  
It's time I learned that..._

"Love never dies a natural death.  
It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source.  
It dies of blindness and betrayals.  
It dies of illness and wounds.  
It dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing."

-Anais Nin

**OMG this is like the 2****nd**** to last chapter **** I'm really sad for this to end! But we do have an epilogue coming up and I want you to know because this story has been all emo emotions and drabbles ;) that I'm planning on making the next chapter sort of fun with a little bit of Seth popping up! **** But then the Epilouge will end with more emo emotions and drabbles… **** Until next time…**

**~B**


	16. IM Chatroom

**IM Chat-room**

**Jake-Man300 has logged on**

**Bella-Girl300 has logged on**

**WolfMan has logged on**

**ChandraBear has logged on**

**Bella-Girl300: **Is everybody here?

**ChandraBear: **I think so… Wait, Edward isn't here…

**WolfMan: **He's never here on time anyways…

**Bella-Girl300:** You're so mean Seth!

**WolfMan: **:P Whatever Bells, how is it over there in STANFORD?

**Jake-Man300: **It's nice

**Bella-Girl300:** There's a lot of fun people

**ChandraBear: **I bet there are a lot of parties

**Jake-Man300: **Oh hell yeah!

**Bella-Girl: **How's it in Seattle?

**Wolfman: **Amazing!

**ChandraBear: **Yeah minus the fact Seth is failing every class

**Jake-Man300: **?

**WolfMan: **shutup Jake… You're the one who coordinated usernames with your girlfriend! I mean really "Jake-Man300"… "Bella-Girl300" -_-

**ChandraBear: **I thought it was cute…

**Bella-Girl300: **Thank you! :D

**Wolfman: **...

**Jake-Man300: **What's up with you, ChandraBear?

**WolfMan: **I'm the only one allowed to call her that

**ChandraBear: **Nothing much. Trying to help Seth study… he's failing miserably…

**WolfMan: **it's hard to focus while you're rubbing my leg! ;)

**Cullen2000 has logged on**

**Tanya Banks has logged on**

**Cullen2000: **Sorry I'm late I was helping my new girlfriend, Tanya, log on

**Jake-Man300: **Sure sure! Whatever.

**Cullen2000: **Tanya, that's the wolf I was telling you about

**Tanya Banks: **O… it's nice to meet you all! I'm Tanya

**WolfMan: **Is your last name really Banks? Are you related to Tyra Banks!

**ChandraBear: **-_-

**Bella-Girl300: **Seth… you poor poor child

**Jake-Man300:** LOL

**Tanya Banks: **…is he serious?

**Cullen2000: **I believe so…

**WolfMan: **Yes I'm serious! O.O

**Tanya Banks: **… no it's really Banks… I put it as that because it sounds like _Tyra_ Banks

**WolfMan: **…Oh

**Jake-Man300: **LMAO :D

**Bella-Girl300: **Seth… are you feeling OK?

**WolfMan: **I'm highly in L.O.V.E 3

**Jake-Man300: **that's nasty… Hey Bells wana chat it up in a private room ;)

**Bella-Girl300: **Sure Sure

**Jake-Man300 has gone into a private chat-room**

**Bella-Girl300 has gone into a private chat-room**

**Private Chat-room**

**Jake-Man300 has logged on**

**Bella-Girl300 has logged on**

**Jake-Man300: **I missed you so much!

**Bella-Girl300: **You say that everyday

**Jake-man300: **It's only been two weeks and now we're in Stanford… STANFORD

**Bella-Girl300: **It's not that far… we're only in California and the main thing is that we're _together_

**Jake-Man300:** I know… I love you so much Bells

**Bella-Girl300: **I love you too Jake.

**Jake-Man300: **I can't wait until tomorrow

**Bella-Girl300: **Anxious to go back home? ;)

**Jake-Man300:** Yeah! I'd finally get to run around as wolf!

**Bella-Girl300: **Not to mention Sue and Charlie are getting married!

**Jake-Man300: **Soon Leah's gonna be your new sister

**Bella-Girl300: **Oh Damn…

**Jake-Man300: **Jeez Bells show some enthusiasm!

**Bella-Girl300: **Sure sure

**Jake-Man300: **Always stealing my words :*{

**Bella-Girl300: **Whatever

**Jake-Man300: **That hurt Bells.. you hurt my big wolf heart /3 see it's broken…

**Bella-Girl300: **3 look I fixed it!

**Jake-Man300: **Where would I be without you babe?

**Bella-Girl300: **Still with a broken heart

**Jake-man300: **-_-

**Bella-Girl300: ** I love you

**Jake-Man300: **i love you too… how about we head back to the normal chatroom

**Bella-Girl300 has returned to chat-room**

**Jake-Man has returned to chat-room**

**IM Chat-room**

**Bella-Girl300 has logged on**

**Jake-Man300 has logged on**

**Cullen2000: **That's how I decided to become a doctor!

**WolfMan: **looks who's back!

**Jake-Man300: **Did you miss us?

**ChandraBear: **Of course we missed you Jake-Man300 

**WolfMan: **PAWS OFF MY WOMAN!

**Bella-Girl300: **…

**ChandraBear: **…

**Tanya Banks: **Does Seth usually act like this?

**ChandraBear: **sadly…

**WolfMan: **you know you love me Chandra!

**ChandraBear: **of course I do silly!

**Cullen2000: **Get a _ROOM_!

**Jake-Man300: **Got to agree with the bloodsucker

**Tanya Banks: **I took that offensively…

**Bella-Girl300: **Jake say sorry

**Jake-Man300: **sorry…

**Cullen200: **:P

**WolfMan: **Dude you're whipped!

**ChandraBear: **hypocrite

**WolfMan: **Whatever… I got to study for Finals… L8r G8rs

**WolfMan has logged out**

**ChandraBear: **I better go help him… Bye Bella, Bye Jake, Bye Tanya, Bye Cullen

**Jake-Man300: **hasta lavista!

**Bella-Girl300: **L8r

**Tanya Banks: **Goodbye

**Cullen2000: **Bye

**ChandraBear has logged out**

**Bella-Girl300: **Jake and I are also about to leave. Got to get ready for our road trip!

**Tanya Banks: **It was lovely meeting you

**Jake-Man300: **You too Tanya Banks

**Cullen2000: **You are aware this is the last time we'll all be talking with each other…

**Tanya Banks:** we'll be leaving to go to Germany soon

**Bella-Girl300: :*{ **yeah I know… bye guys… I love you all.. Tell Alice I said bye…

**Bella-Girl300 has logged out**

**Tanya Banks has logged out**

**Jake-Man300: **before you log out I want to tell you something…

**Cullen2000: **I'm listening

**Jake-Man300:** I never really hated you. I could feel some anger towards you for what you did with Bella but I could never hate you… I know we'll probably never hear of each other again or see or talk to each other again but I want you to know that I forgave you and I agreed that time in the tent when you said if we had both met when we were human we could've been friends… I'm sorry… I just want us to part on better terms than we met… kind of want us to leave on a friendship level…

**Cullen2000 has logged out**

**Jake-Man has logged out**

**Poor Jacob! Edward just logged out without saying goodbye **** it hurts my poor little heart… well only the Epilouge left…**

**~B**


	17. Epilouge

**Epilogue: Was It All Another Metaphor?**

_We all stood_

_We all stood and waited when the dam cracked_

_A small spout of water flowed quietly_

_Nobody thought to panic or say anything_

_They all stood and waited_

_Water was flowing out of the dam threatening to break it_

_Everyone watched as more cracks started to form_

_We all stood and waited_

_We watched as the dam builders ignorantly looked over the cracks_

_We assumed we had no say in whether or not the dam broke_

_We were just hoping it broke_

_Everyone stood and waited_

_Finally_

_The dam burst_

_Great streams of raging water broke down a small section of the dam_

_Pieces of cement came hurtling down_

_The dam was destroyed_

_There was nothing left_

_We were all effected_

_Yet nobody had it in them to accuse the dam builders for this disaster_

_It was because we all stood and waited_

_We could have helped_

_We could have said something_

_Instead we all stood and waited_

_We thought we would be safe from its effects_

_Why would we?_

_When we just watched_

_When nobody thought to help_

_We knew it would collapse_

_And we just wanted to watch it happen_

_Simply because we were too selfish to help_

_To lend a hand_

_Or to offer guidance_

_We all just let the dam break_

_Let the cracks form_

_And let the water flow_

_We caused the dam's destruction_

_And we had no pity or sorrow for our crime_

_Could this dam be a metaphor for Bella and Edward's love?_

_Or Jacob's feelings for Bella when he tried to hide them?_

_Or perhaps it could stand for something bigger?_

_It could stand for something much bigger_

_Something so big the cracks were painfully obvious_

_Or something smaller_

_Something so small not even we could notice the cracks_

_Or was it just a tragic incident that's bound to happen again_

_But do not worry_

_Do not fear_

_With the dam's destruction life is built_

_Beautiful flowers sprouted from the ground_

_Trees of every kind grew_

_Nature was restored_

_With destruction comes light_

_With death comes life_

_And with sorrow comes hope_

I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was good as new. What is broken is broken – and I'd rather remember it as what it was at its best then mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived

-Margret Mitchell


End file.
